


One Strawberry Tart

by The_North_Star



Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Corvus is mentioned, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Gen, Other Characters Are Mentioned, PTSD exploration, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sort Of, Trigger Warning: Eating Disorders, Vomiting mentioned, binge eating, binge eating disorder mentioned, eating disorders mentioned, i don't know WHY this idea stuck out to me but it did, it's a basket of wtf, my best friend experienced it and so did her father as an army commander
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23536804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_North_Star/pseuds/The_North_Star
Summary: Peace is unsteady but present, but the lull in activity brings some serious problems to the surface.  Gren did not escape the prison unscathed. A simple offering of sweet leads to tears, sleepless nights, thoughts that scream when he’s alone with them, and a sort of solace found with his friends that love their food.(A study about the ways post-traumatic stress disorder could manifest in someone like Gren, exacerbated by his personality and his canonical views towards his duties. Not sure where it came from but it struck me, so here it is.Possible multi-chapter fic. Mentions of other characters. Trigger Warning: Eating Disorders, mentions of binge eating, mention of vomiting, not from Gren. No romance. No other AO3 warnings apply.)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	One Strawberry Tart

It begins after the victory at the Storm Spire, after reuniting the Dragon Prince to his mother, the Queen.  
  
They settle in a lower area of the Spire where Dragonguards used to rest, and while everyone begins to set up bedrolls and filled shirts for pillows, Barius has been going around, passing out something to everyone.  
  
“Commander Gren!”  
  
Gren smiles and gives a tiny wave through a well-deserved drink of water.“That’s me!”  
  
Barius shuffles over from Amaya and her nephews and kneels in front of him, handing him a jelly tart.  
  
“Wait, a jelly tart?Where did you even keep these?”  
  
The baker stands up.“Had an entire batch in this sack.When the Broken Link forces gathered their things to come here, and I was rushing to get the essential supplies, I had literally grabbed the nearest clean, empty sack and just piled in whatever was ready, which unsurprisingly was bread, sausage, hard cheese, and all the jelly tarts. Experience taught me that water tends to be more readily available even if you have to search for it and clean it, whereas food is less so.”  
  
“Right.”  
  
“That tart’s a more pinkish red than the orange-red of persimmon; it’s strawberry.”  
  
Gren is known for his love of sweets, especially strawberry anything.  
  
“Thanks, Barius. This is the best thing right now.”  
  
“Of course, that’s why I’m passing them around.When I can access a stocked kitchen again, I’ll churn out a few more.You rest up now, Commander.”  
  
“Thank you, Sir. You, too.”  
  
He stuffs the tart into his mouth as Barius leaves, relishing the familiar berry, tart sweetness.He goes for another bite, but there’s only the flakes of the pastry dough.  
  
Oh, well.He hasn’t properly eaten for.....well, they said forty days, but it felt like forty years. Might as well have been forty decades.  
  
He begins lapping up the flakes when he notices Amaya give him an odd look from the short distance.King Ezran is already asleep by her side. Callum is sitting with the Moonshadow elf---Rayla---and they both have their backs to him.  
  
Amaya signs. (Missed Barius’s tarts that much? Don’t blame you.) She gives him one of her usually cheeky smiles, but there’s a strange feeling that accompanies his wonky smile back.

  
(I miss food, period, General), he signs back to her.  
  
The strange feeling has prominence now and is not a good feeling; because of it, his smile to Amaya feels forced.  
  
(I hear you, Gren. I should introduce you to Sunfire sweets. They have this sweet that’s shaped like Barius‘ tarts, but the filling is inside and hidden by the pastry dough. And it’s fried instead of baked. Sesame, orange, orange blossom---I think, and honey are the tastes I got from it, and it came with this really good, minty tea. I gotta get the Sunfire elves to set some aside for you the next time they make some.)  
  
How much time had she spent with the Sunfire elves, especially that Sunfire elf that was always trying to straight up murder her with a burning sword? They seemed to be on very friendly terms now, holding hands as a sign of a truce between their peoples.  
  
Was he jealous? Hardly. He and Amaya were definitely not romantically involved, and she’s a funny, friendly woman underneath the armor so of course she’d make friends, even amongst former enemies.And she has several friends, with him being the closest she has.  
  
(Sounds interesting. You can tell me all about their magical elven sweets tomorrow?)  
  
(I’ll go annoy Janai for some so you can actually try for yourself.)  
  
(Janai?)  
  
(Oh, yeah, Janai---the Sunfire elf general that used to try and murder me at the Breach every time we’d see each other.She’s actually a Princess, so she can afford all the sweets. I’m gonna go out on night watch in a bit, actually, so we can chat if you like?)  
  
The offering’s there, but that strange, bad feeling settles in his stomach.  
  
Holding hands and rubbing elbows with royalty, and elven royalty at that. She’s making friends, good friends, new ones in high places.  
  
Nothing wrong with that.Nothing at all.  
  
His stomach really needs to get with the program.And the rest of his emotions.  
  
(Actually, General, I am tired.Come to think of you, shouldn’t you be resting up?You just powered your way through a huge battle after getting out of a prison you didn’t deserve to be in.)  
  
(So did you.)  
  
Chains.  
  
Hanging by his wrists.  
  
Unable to sleep properly.  
  
Not be able to bathe, or even shave.  
  
Having to relieve himself in a bucket.  
  
Not having a set schedule for his bowl of gruel.  
  
There was a day or two he didn’t need to relieve himself because he had only a little bit of water and no food.  
  
He tried to be nice to Lord Viren in the hopes of freedom and, barring that, food, and he stopped coming after a while.  
  
At one point he got annoyed at that one Moonshadow elf prisoner that kept refusing food and water. Somehow Viren cared more about him, but quickly realizes that he was being kept alive for Viren’s own plans, whatever they were. He did something horrible to the elf, because the labored breathing stopped after...the incident.  
  
That strawberry tart he just had was the first bit of sweet he’s had in a while.  
  
He knows what cinnamon rolls are, but he’s also forgotten what they taste like.  
  
He realizes Amaya is still peering at him.Her head has that worried tilt to it, and he plasters on a smile meant to look relaxed.  
  
(You know what, you’re right.I haven’t seen you in a long while.Let’s catch up and stretch our legs without the threat of imminent death for a bit.)  
  
Her resulting smile is relieved, and he swallows the guilt down as he reaches for his sword and water skin.  
  
_____________________  
  
“Gren, Gren! Come sit with us!”  
  
Soren waves at him, a slice of bread in his hand looking like a flag.The crownsguard sits with Amaya, King Ezran, Callum, Rayla, Marcos, and Corvus, Bait nestled in the little King’s arms while he read a scroll.  
  
They’re near a little lodge that sits on the top of a cliff, halfway between Lux Aurea and the Kingdom of Duren.In the distance, a golden field and a spot of what’s probably a bay peeks through the forests.  
  
The Broken Link forces have begun to head back to the human kingdoms, with a few healed-but-still-burning soldiers of Viren’s army that have regained their sanity and no longer blaze, but still have traces of corrupted magic flowing in their bodies and have been relegated clothing and other supplies from fire-immune Sunfire elves.  
  
A few elves have tagged along to help to maintain the supplies and use their magic to help the corrupted soldiers.  
With them travels three elves that seem the most comfortable with humans:  
Kareem, a Sunfire mage and one that served royalty like Knight Janai before the crown fell to her; Sabah, a Sunfire soldier and double sword wielder that fought in the battle of the Storm Spire; and Ethari, a Moonshadow elf smith and crafter and one of Rayla’s parents.  
  
He almost felt sorry for Callum until he learned that he and Ethari had met and were on good terms.  
  
Gren goes to join the group at their feast, a thick mat rolled out and boasting a myriad of traveling foods: bread, tack, cheese, sausages, dried meat and fruit, nuts, and herbs. Some kind of drink from a large wooden jar of a sort is shared amongst the group, and Amaya gives him a cup.  
  
It’s a spiced tea, very similar to the _masala chai_ from Neolandia. He takes a sip and finds it sweetened with honey, and he shuffles into a space next to Amaya.  
  
(General), he signs to her.  
  
(Commander), she signs back with a smile, but her smile falters when her eyes settle on him.  
(Gren? Is it just me, or do you look exhausted?)  
  
(What?)  
  
Dammit.  
  
(You look like you haven’t slept at all.)  
  
He internally winces because she’s right.She’s usually right, but her rightness is hitting very close to home right now.  
  
He’s fortunate to get three hours of sleep at most.  
  
(It’s been a long several weeks, Amaya. And my appetite is all over the place.)  
  
Because if it isn’t the guilt at skipping meals with her or others, it’s the shame of having food alone, eating too much and too quickly. I  
f if isn’t his lack of control, it’s the nightmares of being chained up, being left to starve and die, never seeing sunlight again.  
If it’s not the nightmares of prison, it’s the screams of the elf prisoner that had a family that wouldn’t even have a body to bury.  
If it’s not the screaming, it’s the sinking feeling in his bloated gut that Amaya was making friends and running headfirst into a brave new world without him, and that he’d be alone with only his thoughts and himself.  
  
The real Amaya breaks through Gren’s reverie with a piece of bread and a slice of sausage on a napkin.  
(Here. Eat something at least. If only for your strength. I’m starting to worry for you, and I miss you being chatty, and I bet part of it is homesickness. I asked Corvus if he could bake for us the moment we got back to a fully stocked kitchen. You deserve a strawberry shortcake, and a long nap, after all this.)  
  
His stomach turns a little at the mention of his favorite in Corvus‘ signature desserts, and he stretches his mouth in another smile, feeling even more false than the last time.  
  
Time. Just another thing he’s losing control of, being forced to tie knots in a string around his wrist just to keep track of the days. He looks towards Duren.  
  
(Perhaps I do need a vacation after this, General. A week at the most. Any more than that, and I just might get bored.)  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, he catches Corvus across the blanket, carefully taking small bites out of a hunk of cheese, watching him. Amber eyes are suffused with some odd emotion or something that makes him feel like a stranger in his own skin, as though Corvus could read his thoughts through the thin curtain of dark lashes.  
  
Gren diverts his gaze back at Amaya, finishing the rest of his bread and meat. He ignores his lack of hunger and how the food tastes of ash in his mouth.  
  
_____________________  
  
He’s been back in human territory for a good two weeks-and-a-half, at most. The Katolis castle has calmed down considerably after seeing King Ezran safe and sound.  
  
Which is more than he can say for his own issues that seemed to have worsened with the presence of more food.  
  
One early morning, Barius catches him behind a counter with an entire basket of jelly tarts.  
  
And the shame he’s tried to bury over the last few weeks bubble up and threaten to spill out of his entire head.  
  
“What’s wrong with me, Barius? Something’s wrong with me.”  
  
He hates how close to crying he sounds.He hasn’t cried since he was freed from prison, burying his sobs in the first hot bath he’d taken.There is nothing to cry about now.He’s freed and reunited with his friends and family, and there’s the truce between humans and elves now, which means danger has been significantly reduced.  
  
There’s nothing to cry about, he wants to scream.  
  
Nothing but hiding his food and eating in the privacy of baths, because eating too quickly and too much in front of Amaya and her family and other soldiers and now elves is not how a seasoned Commander should be acting.  
  
Barius gently lowers himself until he’s eye level with him.A solid, strong hand on his shoulder feels like a boulder.  
  
He should be the one being kind and comforting.That has been his thing, part of his role, his duties, his entire being for years now.Barius is just as kind and comforting, if a little impatient, but he feels like a failure.  


There’s nothing wrong with him!  
  
“I think I know what’s wrong, Gren.”  
  
Tears begin forming in the corners of his eyes.This is not the time!  
  
“I’ve been a baker for years, apprenticeship and everything. One of our final assignments to see if we were fit for accreditation was being given a diet with strong restrictions, special needs, and cooking something palatable within that criteria.  
We’d prepare food for a week for the person with this special diet. If they were satisfied with our food, and we didn’t hurt them with mishandling of ingredients, we’d graduate.  
  
I had gotten a personal recommendation to bake for the Katolian royal family from one General Sarai before she was Queen, but I’d been working since I was your age when you first came to Katolis. Oh, go on, you can keep eating.”  
  
Gren is made embarrassingly aware of the half-eaten tart in his hand.  
  
“You should keep eating.Maybe a little slower this time.”  
  
“I....I’ll try.”  
  
“Good. Now, I’m saying this because I’ve seen your issue before. I’ve known a young woman who ate like you do now, a lot of food in one go, and she would go into latrines or behind bushes and she would force herself to vomit this food out.  
  
The healers had found her teeth had been worn down and would’ve began to decay beyond repair had they not caught it sooner. It was due to the stomach bile from her vomiting. I think the ailment is called bulimia now. She would not retain food because of it, and she was forced to see healers when a friend of hers found her unconscious in a puddle of her vomit.”  
  
“But I’m not vomiting.I’ve been able to keep my food down.Promise!”  
  
That enough is true, thank the spirits. Not once had he been so sick he could throw up. And inducing vomiting day after day sounded horrible, never mind being so far gone you could pass out from it.  
  
“Yes, but everything else of that ailment is there.Hiding food and eating alone regularly, eating an unusual amount in short bursts of time, eating faster than is normal...do you feel disgusted or guilty with yourself after you eat?”  
  
“I mean, if you ate five platters of food and three mugs of ale because your best friend is worried about your health and said you looked sickly, you’d feel maybe a little disgusted too.”  
  
“Gren.”  
  
The baker gives him the most serious look Gren ever saw in his weathered eyes.  
  
Oh.  
  
Oh no.  
  
When he doesn’t respond, Barius‘ other hand comes down on his shoulder.  
  
“I think it was prison. Viren tossing you in there for no reason.Many people honestly didn’t know you were down there until Sai and Yuji found you down there.  
When I heard about it, I was surprised.I mean, you, man of the people, respected Commander, human beam of sunshine? What did you do to warrant being in the same place as the elves that murdered King Harrow?  
So of course we took you out of prison. But I think...it hasn’t been taken out of you.”  
  
One bitter tear escapes.  
  
“I bet you weren’t even given one proper meal down there. Then you get taken out and shipped off to battle lava rock magic-infested soldiers. From the metaphorical frying pan to the fire. And its just expected you’d be perfectly fine after that. Were you even fed regularly?”  
  
Another tear comes out.Then another. Out of both eyes.  
  
“General Amaya didn’t know I was down there.No one told her, she couldn’t have helped me if she didn’t know, but then she got captured by Sunfire elves---and elves! Viren did something horrible, something unspeakable to the elf prisoner down there, and if I hear the clinking of heavy enough chains I swear I can still hear the elf’s screams, and he had a family too, but they obviously did not and could not know, and he was all alone down with no one to help him, just like me.  
  
And, and---there was a small meeting, and Sunfire elves gave us all these little sweets, shaped like your tarts, and I felt so gross for wanting to eat a whole bowl of them so I just refused and lied that my stomach felt bad and I felt like such a jerk especially because the elves were nice enough to give me mint tea instead for my stomach that didn’t hurt at all, and I’m a Commander, I’m supposed to be making a good impression and setting a good example! Barius!”  
  
He can feel his tears dripping of his face and probably wetting the jelly tarts in his arm.  
  
“I just want to be normal and not feel bad about eating anymore!!!”  
  
Barius stands up, shuffling around in a few shelves, and Gren feels a small towel gently dabbing at his face.  
  
“You, Commander, have always been good. A good man that makes a good impression and sets a good example, always. And it is a failure on our parts that no one helped you with the things that mattered.”  
  
“But---but none of you knew---”  
  
“---Still. Too many young people like yourself get involved in war and reputations and trying to be all big and strong, trying to convince people you’re all damn invincible.”  
  
The baker doesn’t speak for a bit, simply helping Gren dry his tears, fetch some water, look presentable.  
  
“What do I do, Barius?”  
  
He helps him stand.  
  
“I only speak from the experience involving other people, not myself, so....first, find a therapist to not only speak with, but one that has experience with eating problems. Schedule a realistic timetable and personal sessions with them, even if it’s once a week.  
  
Then, set your schedule so you spend at least an hour a day, actively watching the preparation of food, and not just watching people eat from a distance. Because you’ll need to work towards sitting with and being surrounded by people eating, even if you yourself don’t eat with them.  
  
Then, you’ll talk to Amaya and explain what is going on. Chances are high she would love to spend her meals with you, not only to give the Sunfire elf interpreter a break, but to help with your treatment.And because she’s your closest friend first and foremost, even with gaining new ones.  
  
When you do eat, train yourself to take a deep breath in, hold it for five seconds, then a deep breath out, between bites of food. It will be hard to unlearn eating habits you got from being traumatized in prison, so for now, just work on one aspect. The whole point of everything is to make you comfortable with food, knowing it won’t be taken away if you aren’t fast enough.”  
  
Barius pauses just enough to lead Gren over to a stove, switching out a pot of boiling water for a pot of what looks like mashed persimmons and chunks of quince fruit, presumably for more jelly tarts.  
  
“So: find a therapist, schedule an hour, talk to Amaya, deep breaths between bites. Got that?”  
  
“You’re....you’re not gonna tell anyone?”  
  
The baker throws a cup of something into the pot of fruit. “It’s not my struggle to share about. I’m here to help you fight it so you can be better, not yell it from the rooftops in the hopes people feel sorry for you. Here. Just give this a good stir.”  
  
Already feeling a bit better in the sense that the shame is mostly gone, and that Barius isn’t pitying him, Gren is happy to take the wooden spoon resting against the side of pot to stir its contents.  
  
“Again: find a therapist, schedule an hour, talk to Amaya, deep breaths between bites. Will you do that?”  
  
“Don’t you mean ‘can I do that?’”  
  
“Commander.”  
  
It sounds stern, like when he berates Ezran for stealing tarts, but Gren knows Barius is implying that he should not doubt himself.  
  
He sighs.  
  
“Find a therapist, schedule an hour, talk to Amaya, deep breaths between bites.”  
  
“Repeat it. I want to make sure you remember it.”  
  
“Find a therapist. Schedule an hour. Talk to Amaya. Deep breaths between bites.”  
  
Barius gives him a firm, resounding pat to his back. “That’s my man. You’ve recognized there’s something wrong and identified it, which is the hardest thing to do, so you’re already recovering.”  
  
He goes and finds some water to wet the small towel, bringing it back in a small bowl.“Here. Wring the towel out and press from the inner corner of your eye to the outer corner. Several times, each eye; I’d say about thirty times for each eye. Wet and wring out the towel when it starts feeling warm; you need it to be cool to bring the swelling down.”  
  
As Gren begins to follow his instructions, he reaches for another tart and nearly compacts the entire pastry into his mouth when he stops himself.He takes a deep breath, then takes one bite out of the corner. He inhales through his nose, pauses, then exhales out his nose as he chews.  
  
“I saw that. Good job.”  
  
The baker’s returned from washing his hands, taking flour and coating a cleared tabletop with it.  
A beam of sunlight pours into the kitchen, and Gren can’t help but position himself just enough that his face is completely submerged in the pale golden shine.  
  
“Thank you, Barius. Really.”  
  
The baker’s response is as warm as the sunshine.  
  
“Not a problem, Gren.”  
  
END?  


**Author's Note:**

> I am still very undecided of whether or not I want to turn this into a multi-chapter fic or even series, hence my weird synopsis.  
> If YOU decide you want to write something adjacent to this or even a ‘continuation’, please do, and credit and link me as well, thank you.  
> I hope this time in your homes is treating you as well as can be. And if its not a safe or healthy place, I'm so sorry that all I can provide are words and stories.
> 
> And now for the notes:
> 
> -Gren experiences BED (Binge Eating Disorder) alongside the unaddressed PTSD he has probably definitely gained from being imprisoned and having to fight magicked lava rock soldiers. I don’t know exactly where the inspiration came from, but it struck me as something very plausible with someone like Gren, especially with the way food is emphasized in the canon of The Dragon Prince.  
> I have no personal experiences with either disorder, so I’m only writing from research as well as primary accounts from people I know in real life who have endured and experienced those disorders. No names or identifiers, for obvious reasons.
> 
> Just a look into BED shows that almost 80% of people with BED have at least one other psychological disorder, such as phobias, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), bipolar disorder, anxiety, or substance abuse.  
> Purging is not necessarily a symptom of binge eating though it could happen, and someone like Gren who isn’t obese may maintain his current appearance by intensive, almost extreme exercise and cutting down on food through limiting meals with friends.
> 
> Barius mentions bulimia, in which purging/vomiting is a required symptom for diagnosis. Bulimia has had a longer history than BED, which gained its own distinctive name in the DSM-IV in 2013. This was important as health insurance companies would not have covered treatment for BED as long as it wasn’t a distinct disorder.
> 
> I carry that real-life bit over into this story a little, where bulimia is a distinguished ailment with its own entry in the books, I guess, whereas BED is most likely slotted alongside another disorder, or is mistaken as symptoms for something else. I recommend (and will do) further research when writing about eating disorders.  
> I only write this as an exploration into how a typically positive aspect of this show can be twisted and used negatively, alongside how a character like Gren might experience post-traumatic stress disorder that isn’t violence against another character.
> 
> -Briouat (or briwat) is mentioned by Amaya to Gren. It’s a Moroccan traditional pastry, with varying recipes and flavors, and is considered one of the must-tries for tourists visiting Morocco. 
> 
> I draw heavily from North African cultures and cuisines when writing for the Sunfire elves, particularly those from Lux Aurea, as huge chunks of North Africa/the Maghreb had been colonized by the French, as a nod to Janai and Khessa’s accents.  
> The Algiers and a large part of Morocco were under French occupation, and many people in those areas still speak and write in French alongside their native languages and the standard Arabic. I know a Moroccan drummer that lives here in Hawaii, and he speaks and writes French in addition to Spanish, Arabic, and English.
> 
> Briouat are made from a thin, flaky dough similar to various Asian spring rolls. Briouat is then rolled or folded and filled with anything from sweet almond to ginger and orange blossom to spicy chicken, then deep fried and typically served at tea times. Delicious.
> 
> -Tack, or hardtack, is a very tough and solid type of bread that was made to last travel without growing moldy or crumbling into dust. There are some pieces of tack in museums that still retain their shape from 100-200 years ago. They should not be eaten because of germs and such, but they still hold their shape. 
> 
> -Masala chai is mentioned as a tea from Neolandia, which is presumably based off of various Indian/Sanskrit cultures. Masala chai is what people typically think of as chai tea, which is redundant because ‘chai‘ or ‘chay‘ in Hindi means ‘tea‘ in English.
> 
> -Sai and Yuji, the two guards that free Gren, are named after two people in real life that I know.  
> Sai is named after Sai Bhatawakedar, a professor at University of Hawaii at Manoa, as well as the founder and head of Aaja Nachle, Hawai'i's Bollywood/bhangra dance troupe. I’ve been lucky to see some of her dance showcases, which are always a delight.  
> Yuji is named after my co-worker Yuji, Japanese-American and originally from New Jersey but living in Hawaii for the past 20 years.
> 
> I think that’s it for now. Let me know what y’alls think, link me to anything you may write/draw/do in relation to this little fic, and leave extra kudos if you like. Stay inside and wash your hands. Thank you! :)


End file.
